Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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