Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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