Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
