We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
