Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
false alarm, still single
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
