I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
