worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
