Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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