i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
