went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
