Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
