Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Girls should come with a carfax report
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
