is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
