great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
