based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
