And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
