If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Drunk is not a location!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
