I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
