my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
