Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
