Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
