My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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