The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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