Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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