Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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