I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
