My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I lost the right to judge tonight
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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