Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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