I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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