guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
no. you can't hotbox the world.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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