my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
