I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
