you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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