Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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