I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
