1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
