thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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