Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
