Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
