i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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