first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
