I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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