If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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