Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
