also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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