When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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