Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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