Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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