after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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