I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
