This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
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