your thong is hanging out like whoa
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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