2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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