he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
