hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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